


If Only

by craterdweller



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1865796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craterdweller/pseuds/craterdweller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between Tabula Rasa and Two to Go. Songfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only

After her workout, Buffy slumped onto the green leather couch like she had done so many times  before. But this time, there was no Giles to offer her a critique, words of wisdom or even one of his shy smiles. He’d left her, just like every other man she loved. She felt herself getting angry again, but what was the point? She looked around the training room he had built for her and tried to think of happier times, but her mind had been so unfocused since her resurrection. She switched on the radio that sat on the work counter where he cleaned her weapons. She needed to break the silence. A silence that only served to remind her that she was all alone.

Perhaps some mindless lyrics could quiet her mind. Instead she got something that was a little too close to home.

> I thought it wasn't wrong
> 
> To hide from you
> 
> Simple truth

She had hid where she’d been from Giles and had chosen to confide only in Spike. But, she had been  overwhelmed and wasn’t thinking clearly. Hell, she still felt overwhelmed.

> I was scared
> 
> I felt it all along
> 
> But it hurt too much for me to share

She knew now that she had pushed Giles away each time he tried to help her. Choosing instead to run off with Spike, who wouldn’t ask the hard questions. Spike made her forget for a little while, but then she was drowning again in her pain and misery. 

> If only I had been less blind
> 
> I'd have someone to hold on to
> 
> If only I could change your mind
> 
> If only I had known
> 
> If only I had you

She’d been so hurt when Giles left. She’d refused all his calls and told the gang that she hated him. Finally, he had either stopped calling or they had all stopped mentioning it. Poor Dawn. She’d been caught in the middle. She cried. Cried because now she understood.

> Finally understand
> 
> Why things have happened
> 
> And how it all could go so wrong

Willow found her curled up in a ball on the sofa. She heard the song as it faded out and guessed why her best friend was so distraught. She missed Giles. She gently shook her, “Buffy, do you want to call Giles?”

“It’s too late. Just leave me alone.”

“It’s not too late, Buffy. I have his number. We can call him right now.”

“It’s too late. I told Dawn to tell him I hated him. That I never wanted to hear his voice again. It’s too late.”  

“It’s not, Buffy. He asks for you every time he calls. He asked for you again today. He knows you didn’t mean it.”

“He did? When?” She sat up and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

Willow handed her a towel that had been on the counter.  She hated ratting out Dawn but she figured Dawn wouldn’t mind if it got her sister and the Watcher talking again. “Uh, Dawn calls him collect from here after school sometimes. She uh misses him …”

“And she didn’t want me blowing up at her again if I caught her talking to him.” Buffy sighed. “I’ll have to make it up to her. It wasn’t right, putting her in the middle.” She looked at Willow. She was still furious at her, but she also knew that right now she was trying to help. “Do you think, I mean, could you just tell him I’m sorry.”

“Buffy, please talk to him.”

“I don’t know if I can, Wil. I still get so angry sometimes. And then I say stupid things. I just wish I could say things without putting my foot in my mouth. I wish I could just play him that song that I just heard.”

“Wait, maybe you can.”

“Huh?”

“Most radio stations are on in the net now. You can go to their website and request a song. Maybe you could request that song be dedicated to him.”

“Yeah, but its not like he’d hear it. I mean, what are the odds?”

“Well, you can have Dawnie tell him that he has to listen to the station at a certain time. That it was important. I bet she could convince him. What do you have to lose?”

“Does it cost money?”

“Nope. Leave it to me. I’ll get it arranged and then Dawnie can call him. Are you sure you don’t want to ask him yourself?”

“Nah. Let’s try this first and then maybe … Thanks, Wil. I, uh, should probably patrol.”

Willow rushed to the front of the shop and pulled out her laptop. When Dawn arrived a few minutes later, she told her of the plan. Dawn squealed in excitement. “Now, Dawnie, don’t get too excited. They need to do a lot of work to fix things between them.”

“Yeah, but at least they will be talking.”

“Maybe.” She patted the teen’s arm. “We’ve no idea how Giles will react when he hears the song though. Promise me you won’t pressure him to call or anything before he’s ready.”

“But this is so stupid! She needs him. And he’s supposed to help her, he’s her Watcher.”

“Dawnie, you know it’s more complicated than that. Promise?”

“I promise. No pushing.”

Willow sent off the appropriate request and found a program manager at a radio station near Bath that was willing to help because she found the whole idea romantic. At first Willow tried to explain that their relationship wasn’t like that exactly, but in the end she just gave up and let the woman believe whatever she wanted. Now that they had a time, it was up to Dawn to convince him to listen to the radio. He had balked at first, but finally gave in.

Buffy half-heartedly threw punches and kicks at the training dummy. When Willow had suggested she dedicate that song to Giles on the radio, Buffy had assumed it would happen the next day. But the program manager had insisted that a program that aired Saturdays at noon would be the perfect venue. Unfortunately, that meant it would play around four a.m. in Sunnydale. Willow had set up her laptop in the training room last night so Buffy could listen. Dawn had wanted to stay with her sister as moral support, but the gang thought it best to give her some privacy. Finally, towards the end of the hour, the radio hosts introduced the song.

“This next song comes as a special request all the way from America. The young lady from Sunnydale, California wanted us to play “If Only” by Hoobastank for a friend that moved back to Bath recently. They didn’t part on the best of terms and she wanted him to know that she loves him and that’s she’s sorry. So Giles, this song is for you, from Buffy.”

Rupert Giles wondered why on earth Dawn had insisted he listen to this radio program. True the music wasn’t half bad, but he normally preferred to listen to his own albums rather than the radio with all the adverts and chatter. He had been tempted a few times to just turn it off, but he had made a promise to Dawn and he always tried to keep his promises. _Except the one you made to Buffy about not leaving her._ He shook his head to silence his conscience and took his teacup to the sink to wash. That’s when he heard the hosts mention a young lady from Sunnydale. _No, I must have misheard. Except they mentioned someone that had moved back to Bath recently._ He listened more carefully. _Did they say this was dedicated to me from Buffy? That she loves me? Could she have forgiven me?_ He listened closely to the lyrics. _It sounded like an apology. Not that he deserved one. He’d been a prat for running out on her when she’d needed him._ But broken hearts were seldom rational. He stared at the phone. _Did he dare call? Would she speak to him? Perhaps this was all the machinations of the well-meaning Willow and Dawn. Maybe, Buffy had no knowledge of it._ He paced about the kitchen for a few minutes and finally made his decision.

The shrill ring of the phone startled Buffy. She picked it up on the second ring but was too scared to say anything until she heard the familiar accented voice ask, “Buffy?”

“Giles, I’m so sorry,” she choked.

“Shh, luv. Don’t cry. It’s I who should apologize…”

Willow ended the spell that allowed her and Dawn to see through the laptop’s webcam. They hugged each other in relief. The two were talking and that was good enough for now.

 ** Song lyrics from "If Only" by Hoobastank

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't normally write Songfics, preferring to use songs in fanmixes. Song is "If Only" by Hoobastank which I realize wasn't released until 2006 (three years after the show ended).
> 
> Cottoncandy_bingo prompt: Dedicating A Song on the Radio


End file.
